John Corn
02-22-03, 07:30 AM
Not one joke, but a series of quotations from dumb athletes (hope it's not too sports-ish) -
---Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
---New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
---upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say: "I'd run
over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
---Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
---Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, said in 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
---Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
--Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
---Stu Grimson (the Grim Reaper ), Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
---Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
--- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
---Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I told him,'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach,I don't know and I don't care.'"
---Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
---New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
---upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say: "I'd run
over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said:
"To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
---Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
---Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, said in 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
---Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
--Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
---Stu Grimson (the Grim Reaper ), Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
---Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."
--- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
---Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I told him,'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?'
He said, 'Coach,I don't know and I don't care.'"