Nick
07-08-03, 10:12 AM
Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home from school one day and asked,
"Papa, how come I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?"
"No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN."
Lena, a waitress, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole.
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lena.
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely, he grumbled "Vell, dere gose five dollars
down da drain for dat flight insurance!
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working".
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."
Lars: Have you heard dat dey elected a Pole to be Pope?
Sven: Ya, it's about time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough, doncha know.
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole
gently put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if
ya vant to"...so Ole drove to Duluth.
When Ole went to play cards with da boys his friend Lars asked him, "Vi is it ven we play
cards ya bring your wife, when we go fishing you bring ya wifeand when we go bowling
ya bring your wife?" Ole replied, "Have you noticed that Lena is kind of ugly? Dis way I don't
never have to kiss her good-bye."
Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were chopping
a hole in the ice they heard a loud booming voice from above say "There are no fish under the ice."
So, Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little
stronger, "There are no fish under the ice". They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said
in a humble voice, "Is dat you, Lord?" The voice boomed, "No, ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter,
after offering his ondolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole .Lena replied, "You yust
put 'Ole died'." The clerk, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died'?" Surely, there must be
something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are
free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put
'Ole died. Boat for sale '."
Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from
the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to
Sven "I vish we could mark dis spot. It's the best darn fishing I've seen since I was a yong ting." Sven
replied, "I got me some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I yust put an X right here on the side of the
boat?" Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine. What if dey don't give us the same boat next time?".
Hey Sven, " said Ole, "how many Norskys does it take to grease a combine?"
After a minute, Sven replied, "I don know."
Ole said, "Only two, if you run dem through slow enough."
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they
began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.
"Haf you eaten your banana yet, Lars?" Ole asked excitedly.
"No, " replied Lars.
"Vell don't touch it den", Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and I vent completely blind!"
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh", said Ole, "I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?" asked Lars. "Vell, " Ole answered, "because vit a clarinet, she can't sing along."
Ole and Lena went to a fair. Ole was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride
would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes, "replied the pilot.
"That's vay too much," said Ole.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for
3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to
pay the $10." Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to Ole,
"I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almos screamin' out loud when de wife fell out."
Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar. They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally
having a celebration of some sort. "Line 'em up", Ole shouted as the party continued. They drank
and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender's curiousity got the better of him.
"Just what are you two celebrating?" he asked.
"51 days! Ve did it in yust 51 days!" they responded.
"What did you do in 51 days?" he probed.
"Ve put da puzzle together," they all replied, "51 days, and da box say 3-5 years!"
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench, watching the track and field events ,
a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian...and my name
ain't Valter, either."
And dots enough !!
"Papa, how come I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?"
"No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN."
Lena, a waitress, asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"
"No, I don't," said Ole.
"A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lena.
Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely, he grumbled "Vell, dere gose five dollars
down da drain for dat flight insurance!
Lars: "Ole, stant in front of my car and tell me if da turn signals are working".
Ole: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No...."
Lars: Have you heard dat dey elected a Pole to be Pope?
Sven: Ya, it's about time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough, doncha know.
Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole
gently put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, you can go a little farder now if
ya vant to"...so Ole drove to Duluth.
When Ole went to play cards with da boys his friend Lars asked him, "Vi is it ven we play
cards ya bring your wife, when we go fishing you bring ya wifeand when we go bowling
ya bring your wife?" Ole replied, "Have you noticed that Lena is kind of ugly? Dis way I don't
never have to kiss her good-bye."
Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing. As they were chopping
a hole in the ice they heard a loud booming voice from above say "There are no fish under the ice."
So, Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little
stronger, "There are no fish under the ice". They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said
in a humble voice, "Is dat you, Lord?" The voice boomed, "No, ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries. The gentleman at the counter,
after offering his ondolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole .Lena replied, "You yust
put 'Ole died'." The clerk, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died'?" Surely, there must be
something more you'd like to say about Ole. If it's money you're concerned about, the first five words are
free. We must say something more." So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, "O.K. You put
'Ole died. Boat for sale '."
Ole and Sven went fishing one summer and decided to rent a boat from the resort instead of fishing from
the shore. They rowed out a ways and started to fish. They caught one fish after the other. Ole says to
Sven "I vish we could mark dis spot. It's the best darn fishing I've seen since I was a yong ting." Sven
replied, "I got me some chalk in my tackle box, so why don't I yust put an X right here on the side of the
boat?" Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mine. What if dey don't give us the same boat next time?".
Hey Sven, " said Ole, "how many Norskys does it take to grease a combine?"
After a minute, Sven replied, "I don know."
Ole said, "Only two, if you run dem through slow enough."
Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they
began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.
"Haf you eaten your banana yet, Lars?" Ole asked excitedly.
"No, " replied Lars.
"Vell don't touch it den", Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and I vent completely blind!"
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
"Oh", said Ole, "I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet."
"How come?" asked Lars. "Vell, " Ole answered, "because vit a clarinet, she can't sing along."
Ole and Lena went to a fair. Ole was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride
would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes, "replied the pilot.
"That's vay too much," said Ole.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for
3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to
pay the $10." Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to Ole,
"I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so, " said Ole, "but I gotta tell ya, I almos screamin' out loud when de wife fell out."
Ole, Sven, and Nels came into the bar. They were high-fiving each other, shouting, and generally
having a celebration of some sort. "Line 'em up", Ole shouted as the party continued. They drank
and carried on for hours. Finally the bartender's curiousity got the better of him.
"Just what are you two celebrating?" he asked.
"51 days! Ve did it in yust 51 days!" they responded.
"What did you do in 51 days?" he probed.
"Ve put da puzzle together," they all replied, "51 days, and da box say 3-5 years!"
Ole and Lena went to the Olympics. While sitting on a bench, watching the track and field events ,
a lady turned to Ole and said, "Are you a pole vaulter?" Ole said, "No, I'm Norvegian...and my name
ain't Valter, either."
And dots enough !!