Nick
07-18-03, 01:23 PM
Male Etiquette
1. Never use the word "etiquette".
2. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is pizza and beer.
3. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
4. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may, however, gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
5. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.
6. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
7. If a buddy is outnumbered or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fray. Exception: If, within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
8. You must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours, unless he murdered someone in your immediate family.
9. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point she scores on the official 1-10 hotness scale.
10. No man should buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the ugly chick, your buddy is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party, or your funeral.
12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.
14. If you go to prison, do not go around asking "How's it hanging?"
15. A man with an incredibly hot, suggestively dressed woman should remain sober enough to fight.
16. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
17. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
18. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...
19. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
1. Never use the word "etiquette".
2. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is pizza and beer.
3. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
4. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may, however, gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
5. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.
6. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
7. If a buddy is outnumbered or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fray. Exception: If, within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
8. You must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours, unless he murdered someone in your immediate family.
9. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point she scores on the official 1-10 hotness scale.
10. No man should buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the ugly chick, your buddy is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party, or your funeral.
12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.
14. If you go to prison, do not go around asking "How's it hanging?"
15. A man with an incredibly hot, suggestively dressed woman should remain sober enough to fight.
16. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
17. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
18. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...
19. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.