Nick
09-01-06, 07:46 AM
TV Rules for a Happy Home
Channel-Surfing Etiquette Your Mother Never Taught You.
As a record holding channel surfer (229 cpm), I find the Up/Dn buttons the keys to my
success. :p I owe both of my divorces and a series of failed lesser relationships to my
finely-tuned world-class channel-surfing skills. :D In one of those failed relationships,
the woman went into an apoplectic seizure due to the particular channel-changing
cadence I had struck.
My ultimate romantic dream is to meet an ambidextrous woman who, like me, has a tv
in every room, owns a universal remote for each, knows how to use them and has well-
worn callouses on both thumbs to prove it! :sure:
But, that's just me. You may not be into setting world records. If blazing fast speed-surfing
isn't your thing, and you place a relatively high value on having a stable relationship and
spawning progeny, then perhaps you should give your channel-changing habits a check-
up from the neck up.
10 tips on remote control etiquette
New research suggests men are still hogging the television remote control - 41% of men
and 30% of women claim to rule the sofa entertainment, says a poll by Intel. We asked
some etiquette experts what the rules are on button-hogging vs. safe-surfing.
1. The first rule of politeness is "No Quick Changes". The remote-controller who speeds
through a hundred channels without even one breathless pause in one minute has committed
a social crime, worthy of being remote-deprived for the rest of the of the social hour. People
should be allowed to at least know what program is being rejected by the controller.
2. Do not hide the remote control when you are going to the bathroom. This overt power
play is sure to offend your companion.
3. It's only when women are widowed that they discover there is such a thing as a remote
control and they find all kinds of things that are on television, like musicals as well as westerns.
If you can't agree with your partner what to watch, then split up immediately because
it can't be resolved.
4. If someone in the room is about to appear on the television himself or herself- a performer,
politician, quiz show contestant or felon caught in the act by police - they get priority.
5. Ladies, buy two televisions or do without the man. No woman who can squeeze
into a pair of trousers should be with a man who hogs the remote. It's emotional violence
and mental cruelty. It means your life is not under your control. I don't want to control a
man but neither do I want to be controlled.
6. Men present in the TV room may well lobby for a girly-girly show, such as a big bosoms
contest, but their choices may be rejected simply by the numerical strength of the women
present. Democracy is a human right which overshadows an individual's right to watch
beauty pageants.
7. When you do share the remote, remember this is a risky strategy, because you've got
to be prepared for those times when the other person actually does take control. The
upside is that this approach puts a stop to any arguing
8. Sports fanatics should be given their own TV set - preferably in an out-of-the-way place
in the back of the house, such as the kitchen, a bathroom or the back porch -- where they
can remain undisturbed (and undisturbing) to others while watching the game.
9. Overweight people on diets should be allowed to veto the watching of cooking shows.
10. Try to agree with each other and say "let's take a look-see what's on". The problem
with that is the man usually just goes ahead anyway.
Any TV Eetiquette tips to add? Submit your comments to this thread using the blank form at the
bottom of the page. A selection of early comments include:
Why wait until you're widowed? I found that divorce solved the problem admirably. - singleagain198
Do none of these so-called experts have children? For years now the first I see of the
remote is when the last of my children has been extracted, screaming and kicking, from
the sofa and sent off to college. - emptynester
Channel-Surfing Etiquette Your Mother Never Taught You.
As a record holding channel surfer (229 cpm), I find the Up/Dn buttons the keys to my
success. :p I owe both of my divorces and a series of failed lesser relationships to my
finely-tuned world-class channel-surfing skills. :D In one of those failed relationships,
the woman went into an apoplectic seizure due to the particular channel-changing
cadence I had struck.
My ultimate romantic dream is to meet an ambidextrous woman who, like me, has a tv
in every room, owns a universal remote for each, knows how to use them and has well-
worn callouses on both thumbs to prove it! :sure:
But, that's just me. You may not be into setting world records. If blazing fast speed-surfing
isn't your thing, and you place a relatively high value on having a stable relationship and
spawning progeny, then perhaps you should give your channel-changing habits a check-
up from the neck up.
10 tips on remote control etiquette
New research suggests men are still hogging the television remote control - 41% of men
and 30% of women claim to rule the sofa entertainment, says a poll by Intel. We asked
some etiquette experts what the rules are on button-hogging vs. safe-surfing.
1. The first rule of politeness is "No Quick Changes". The remote-controller who speeds
through a hundred channels without even one breathless pause in one minute has committed
a social crime, worthy of being remote-deprived for the rest of the of the social hour. People
should be allowed to at least know what program is being rejected by the controller.
2. Do not hide the remote control when you are going to the bathroom. This overt power
play is sure to offend your companion.
3. It's only when women are widowed that they discover there is such a thing as a remote
control and they find all kinds of things that are on television, like musicals as well as westerns.
If you can't agree with your partner what to watch, then split up immediately because
it can't be resolved.
4. If someone in the room is about to appear on the television himself or herself- a performer,
politician, quiz show contestant or felon caught in the act by police - they get priority.
5. Ladies, buy two televisions or do without the man. No woman who can squeeze
into a pair of trousers should be with a man who hogs the remote. It's emotional violence
and mental cruelty. It means your life is not under your control. I don't want to control a
man but neither do I want to be controlled.
6. Men present in the TV room may well lobby for a girly-girly show, such as a big bosoms
contest, but their choices may be rejected simply by the numerical strength of the women
present. Democracy is a human right which overshadows an individual's right to watch
beauty pageants.
7. When you do share the remote, remember this is a risky strategy, because you've got
to be prepared for those times when the other person actually does take control. The
upside is that this approach puts a stop to any arguing
8. Sports fanatics should be given their own TV set - preferably in an out-of-the-way place
in the back of the house, such as the kitchen, a bathroom or the back porch -- where they
can remain undisturbed (and undisturbing) to others while watching the game.
9. Overweight people on diets should be allowed to veto the watching of cooking shows.
10. Try to agree with each other and say "let's take a look-see what's on". The problem
with that is the man usually just goes ahead anyway.
Any TV Eetiquette tips to add? Submit your comments to this thread using the blank form at the
bottom of the page. A selection of early comments include:
Why wait until you're widowed? I found that divorce solved the problem admirably. - singleagain198
Do none of these so-called experts have children? For years now the first I see of the
remote is when the last of my children has been extracted, screaming and kicking, from
the sofa and sent off to college. - emptynester