Richard King
11-07-02, 05:08 PM
Northwest Airlines is closing their mechanic's facility in Atlanta and moving it to Minnesota. This is the "official" welcome letter for those hard working southern mechanics:
Welcome To Minnesota, Y'ALL
>
> This is for the hundreds of Atlanta, Georgia,
> mechanics and others who will move to the Twin
> Cities as NWA closes its maintenance base there.
> This is your lucky day! First, the West Nile fever
> season here is really, really short. Ditto, malaria
> and any other dread disease carried by mosquitoes.
> The bad news is that you'll have to grow accustomed
> to hash brown potatoes. Grits end at Chillicothe, Missouri.
>
> You no longer have to say, " y'all ", the most
> worthless expression in the English language. When
> you call your dog, for instance, just say, "come".
> You don't have to say, " y'all come". As mechanics,
> you'll have a field day taking care of your car from
> now until spring (late spring, that is, for early
> spring is not spring) it is really late winter.
> Remember that old Minnesota weather adage, "April
> showers bring May plowers."
>
> Sell your car. A Georgia car will not survive here.
> Your car will freeze to death before Halloween. Buy
> a used car. If you buy a new car it will look like a
> used car before they can dig it out of the display
> lot at the car dealership.
>
> At first, you may think snow is pretty. Snow is not
> pretty. By December you will feel as if you are
> living in a black-and-white movie. And there is a
> lot of snow. Deep snow. Deep snow that doesn't go
> away, ever. The reason Northwest Airlines paints its tails
> red is so they can find the damned things.
>
> You'll find new loves here. One of them will be
> underwear that goes all the way down to you ankles.
> Any underwear above the ankles is considered lingerie.
>
> A few things you may not know:
> Beer freezes.
> A constipated dog is a good dog.
> Ice fishing is a form of mental illness.
> Sunrise and Sunset are roughly an hour apart.
> Jumper cables make an excellent wedding gift.
> You'll look forward to slush.
> Kleenex is covered by your medical insurance.
>
> You must be aware that, contrary to southern
> cuisine, there is no Minnesota cuisine. If it's
> dead, eat it. When you pack to come to Minnesota,
> you need only to bring one short-sleeved shirt and
> that's only in case you want to fly back home for
> vacation. Short-sleeved shirts are handed down here
> from generation to generation. The short-sleeved
> shirt season here begins July 26 and is pretty much
> wrapped up by 3:30 on the 28th.
>
> You will have to change your allegiances to
> professional sports teams. Doing the tomahawk chop
> simply will not play here. People will think you're
> merely scraping your windshield. We play a game here
> called hockey as well. Hockey coaches will kidnap
> your children before they even start school, so
> beware. They'll return them in April. As for
> baseball, we never know if we have a team or not.
>
> Moving on to religion. There are but two faiths here
> (pro-stadium and anti-stadium). An agnostic is a
> person who doesn't care whether we have a new
> stadium or not.
>
> We have an excellent college system. Unfortunately,
> it's in Wisconsin, Iowa, or the Dakota's.
>
> Canadian honkers aren't something you see at a
> Winnipeg strip joint. They're geese.
>
> By law, every vehicle in Minnesota must have a hitch ball.
> Even hearses.
>
> You cannot smoke anywhere in Minnesota.
> Unless it"s dope, of course.
>
> Minnesotans may laugh at you for your backward
> politics in Georgia. You can stop that with two
> words: Pro wrestler.
>
> Judy Garland was born in Minnesota and it took her
> 16 years of driving through construction detours
> before she got to the Yellow Brick Road.
>
> Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of
> thousands of miles of rivers and streams, millions
> of acres of forest, and only one Krispy Kreme.
> Guess where everyone wants to go....
>
> And do not call the homicide division to a beer
> joint because of what you see behind the bar. That's
> merely a jar of pickled pig's feet. (See cuisine comments above)
:D
Welcome To Minnesota, Y'ALL
>
> This is for the hundreds of Atlanta, Georgia,
> mechanics and others who will move to the Twin
> Cities as NWA closes its maintenance base there.
> This is your lucky day! First, the West Nile fever
> season here is really, really short. Ditto, malaria
> and any other dread disease carried by mosquitoes.
> The bad news is that you'll have to grow accustomed
> to hash brown potatoes. Grits end at Chillicothe, Missouri.
>
> You no longer have to say, " y'all ", the most
> worthless expression in the English language. When
> you call your dog, for instance, just say, "come".
> You don't have to say, " y'all come". As mechanics,
> you'll have a field day taking care of your car from
> now until spring (late spring, that is, for early
> spring is not spring) it is really late winter.
> Remember that old Minnesota weather adage, "April
> showers bring May plowers."
>
> Sell your car. A Georgia car will not survive here.
> Your car will freeze to death before Halloween. Buy
> a used car. If you buy a new car it will look like a
> used car before they can dig it out of the display
> lot at the car dealership.
>
> At first, you may think snow is pretty. Snow is not
> pretty. By December you will feel as if you are
> living in a black-and-white movie. And there is a
> lot of snow. Deep snow. Deep snow that doesn't go
> away, ever. The reason Northwest Airlines paints its tails
> red is so they can find the damned things.
>
> You'll find new loves here. One of them will be
> underwear that goes all the way down to you ankles.
> Any underwear above the ankles is considered lingerie.
>
> A few things you may not know:
> Beer freezes.
> A constipated dog is a good dog.
> Ice fishing is a form of mental illness.
> Sunrise and Sunset are roughly an hour apart.
> Jumper cables make an excellent wedding gift.
> You'll look forward to slush.
> Kleenex is covered by your medical insurance.
>
> You must be aware that, contrary to southern
> cuisine, there is no Minnesota cuisine. If it's
> dead, eat it. When you pack to come to Minnesota,
> you need only to bring one short-sleeved shirt and
> that's only in case you want to fly back home for
> vacation. Short-sleeved shirts are handed down here
> from generation to generation. The short-sleeved
> shirt season here begins July 26 and is pretty much
> wrapped up by 3:30 on the 28th.
>
> You will have to change your allegiances to
> professional sports teams. Doing the tomahawk chop
> simply will not play here. People will think you're
> merely scraping your windshield. We play a game here
> called hockey as well. Hockey coaches will kidnap
> your children before they even start school, so
> beware. They'll return them in April. As for
> baseball, we never know if we have a team or not.
>
> Moving on to religion. There are but two faiths here
> (pro-stadium and anti-stadium). An agnostic is a
> person who doesn't care whether we have a new
> stadium or not.
>
> We have an excellent college system. Unfortunately,
> it's in Wisconsin, Iowa, or the Dakota's.
>
> Canadian honkers aren't something you see at a
> Winnipeg strip joint. They're geese.
>
> By law, every vehicle in Minnesota must have a hitch ball.
> Even hearses.
>
> You cannot smoke anywhere in Minnesota.
> Unless it"s dope, of course.
>
> Minnesotans may laugh at you for your backward
> politics in Georgia. You can stop that with two
> words: Pro wrestler.
>
> Judy Garland was born in Minnesota and it took her
> 16 years of driving through construction detours
> before she got to the Yellow Brick Road.
>
> Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of
> thousands of miles of rivers and streams, millions
> of acres of forest, and only one Krispy Kreme.
> Guess where everyone wants to go....
>
> And do not call the homicide division to a beer
> joint because of what you see behind the bar. That's
> merely a jar of pickled pig's feet. (See cuisine comments above)
:D