John Corn
11-29-02, 08:19 PM
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6-18 month period when the kids
get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and
selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer
split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has
been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy
stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes
as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor
who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
401K -- now known as only a downgraded 201K
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6-18 month period when the kids
get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and
selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer
split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has
been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy
stocks.
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes
as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor
who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
401K -- now known as only a downgraded 201K