1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Application to Date my Daughter

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by poeppe, Jun 13, 2002.

  1. poeppe

    poeppe Legend

    145
    0
    Mar 25, 2002
    APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

    NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
    by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current
    medical report from your doctor.

    NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________

    HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

    SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

    BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________________________

    HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____

    Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________

    If NO, please explain
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________

    Number of years they have been married ________________________________

    If less than your age, explain
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________

    Do you own a van? _______________

    A truck with oversized tires? _______________

    A waterbed? _______________

    A pickup with a mattress in the back? _______________

    A condom? _______________

    Pornography? _______________

    Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________

    A tattoo? _______________

    (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

    In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________

    In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________

    In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________

    Church you attend _________________________________

    How often you attend ______________________________

    When would be the best time to interview your:

    father? _____________

    mother? _____________

    priest? _____________

    Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

    A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________

    B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________


    C: A woman's place is in the:
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________


    D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________


    E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________

    NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your
    head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.


    What do you want to do IF you grow up?
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________


    What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

    I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF
    MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE,
    CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS,
    AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


    _______________________________________
    Signature (that means sign your name moron)

    Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.

    You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call
    or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury)
    If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing
    white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).
     

Share This Page