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Facts of Life

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by Nick, Aug 30, 2010.

  1. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    The...
    1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

    2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during a heated argument when you suddenly realize you're wrong.

    3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

    4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

    5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    6. Was learning cursive really necessary after all?

    7. Map Quest needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.

    8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

    9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

    10. Bad decisions make good stories.

    11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

    12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

    13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report to which I swear I did not make any changes.

    14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

    15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

    16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

    17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

    18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

    19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

    20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

    21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

    22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 times and still not know what time it is.

    23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket or purse, finding their cellphone, or pinning the Tail on the Donkey, but I'll bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.5 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

    24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup", was used in Hockey in 1874, and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

    Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
     
  2. Davenlr

    Davenlr Geek til I die

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    Excellent. Had to copy/paste that into an email to my friends.
     
  3. jpx5

    jpx5 Legend

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    Central New...
    Well said...food for thought
     
  4. spartanstew

    spartanstew Dry as a bone

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    Wylie, Texas
    2. It's never happened.
    5. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHTyH2nuFAw
    8. Only when they're under 50
    12. What's Blue Ray?
    20. If everyone waited to merge until they had to, there'd be fewer accidents and less traffic back-up. It's actually those that merge before they need to that are the problem.
     
  5. BobaBird

    BobaBird EKB Editor

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    Mar 30, 2002
  6. jerry downing

    jerry downing Godfather

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    Illinois
    15 My freezer has a light.
     
  7. pfp

    pfp Whatever

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    11 - There is no question when it will strike - immediately after walking in the door.
     
  8. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    The...
    ...and mine has two, for a total of four -- plenty bright in there, but I just hope they all go off when the doors close. :whatdidid
     
  9. Sep 1, 2010 #9 of 18
    jodyguercio

    jodyguercio Active Member

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    You drive in Dallas a lot don't you Stew. :lol:
     
  10. spartanstew

    spartanstew Dry as a bone

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    Wylie, Texas
    Actually, I drive more in other places than I do in Dallas, but here's some references:

    http://wcco.com/goodquestion/right.way.merge.2.1686209.html

    And here's one from Ask Marilyn just a couple of weeks ago:

    http://www.parade.com/askmarilyn/2010/06/Sundays-Column-06-20-10.html

    When a traffic-lane merge is coming, is it better for traffic flow to merge immediately or to wait until the last minute, assuming you can do both safely?
    —Miriam Schultz, San Diego, Calif.

    In an ideal world, the answer is clear: Take full advantage of the open lanes and merge like a zipper when one closes. But human factors often make this problematic. Early mergers may try to block late mergers, causing abrupt lane changes and sudden stops.

    Experts agree that traffic flow would improve if motorists simply stayed in their respective lanes, merged as it became necessary, and never—ever—tried to stop another driver from merging.

    Motorists who block late mergers or straddle the merging lanes are the real offenders. They cause drivers to hesitate to use both lanes, which prompts many people to merge early into a single, slow-moving lane and then become annoyed with those who don’t.
     
  11. Richard King

    Richard King Hall Of Fame

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    http://wcco.com/goodquestion/right.w...2.1686209.html
    You're taking advice on merging from a radio station in a state that is stupid enough to put stop lights on freeway entrance ramps? That and winter are two things that I am happy to be away from (mosquitos are on the list too).
     
  12. fluffybear

    fluffybear Hall Of Fame DBSTalk Club

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    Mine doesn't... but then again neither does my refrigerator!
     
  13. BAHitman

    BAHitman Godfather

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    That gets back to the real problem. People in the non-ending lane don't typically leave enough space between them to allow merging in that manner. At least in TX anyway.
     
  14. Davenlr

    Davenlr Geek til I die

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    They dont in Arkansas either, but I guarantee you when you start moving over anyway after driving for 1/4 mile with your turn signal letting them know your intention, they will let you in. I have no patience for people who gun it to keep you from changing lanes when your turn signal is on to do so. As long as they are more than 6 inches behind you when you move over, it will be their fault if they hit you around here. And make sure you keep your eyes on the shoulder too, because they will try to pass you there and in the middle turn lane on city streets as well. People around here get their licenses at WalMart.
     
  15. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    If I had such a friend, I should probably have him reformat my laptop's HDD, run over it with an M-1 tank and drop it from the top of a 100 story skyscraper!
     
  16. audiomaster

    audiomaster DBSTalk Club Member

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    Jun 24, 2004
    There is nothng more beautiful than a long line of entering traffic smoothly merging with a traffic lane of cars each car letting one in ahead of it. In 40 plus years of driving, I actually think I have seen this happen...one or twice!
     
  17. spartanstew

    spartanstew Dry as a bone

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    Nah, just one example of many on the right way to merge when a lane is closed. I was first taught that in drivers ed 30 years ago.
     
  18. audiomaster

    audiomaster DBSTalk Club Member

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    Jun 24, 2004
    What about the women who come to the bottom of the ramp, slam on the brakes and stop, look in the mirror to check hair and makeup and THEN put on thier signal and smile out the window at traffic like they think they could seduce an 18 wheeler going 65mph!
     

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