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How Fights Start

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by citico, Jan 11, 2010.

  1. citico

    citico Legend

    115
    0
    May 18, 2004
    How Fights Start...

    My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

    "No," she answered.

    I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

    And then the fight started....
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    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

    I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

    My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

    And that's how the fight started...
    ******************************************
    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

    So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"


    And then the fight started.....
    *****************************************
    My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

    I bought her a bathroom scale.

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

    The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

    When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

    She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'


    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

    My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

    'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'>


    'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'


    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

    Nah, she can order for herself."

    And then the fight started...
    ******************************************
    A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

    The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


    And then the fight started.....
     
  2. coldsteel

    coldsteel Hall Of Fame

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    Mar 29, 2007
    Classics.
     
  3. JACKIEGAGA

    JACKIEGAGA N.Y. FOOTBALL GIANTS

    5,617
    91
    Dec 11, 2006
    Long Island, NY
    I love it nice
     
  4. Supramom2000

    Supramom2000 In Loving Memory of Onyx-2/23/09

    3,804
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    Jun 20, 2007
    Colbert, WA
    Those were awesome!!
     
  5. davring

    davring Hall Of Fame

    6,417
    1
    Jan 13, 2007
    Reminds me of the time my mother in law borrowed my car and got into an accident, my first qwestion was how is the car.....thats how the fight started.....:)
     
  6. kocuba

    kocuba Icon

    596
    0
    Dec 29, 2006
    Speaking of Mother-in-laws...

    A man gets his mother-in-law a casket for Christmas one year.

    The next year he doesn't buy her anything.

    She asks him "Why didn't you get me anything for Christmas this year"

    His reply... "Cause you haven't used what I got you last year."

    And that's how the fight started.
     
  7. scroll

    scroll Mentor

    36
    0
    Apr 10, 2010
    that's how the fight started...:lol:
     

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