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Is there no hope?

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by citico, May 31, 2010.

  1. citico

    citico Legend

    115
    0
    May 18, 2004
    The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination...a standardized test used in many states to see if the candidate actually is intelligent and has learned enough to have a high school diploma.

    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
    A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

    Q. How is dew formed
    A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
    A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

    Q. What happens to your body as you age
    A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

    Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    A. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination
    A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

    Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
    A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

    Q. What is the fibula?
    A. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    A. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure?
    A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

    Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

    Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
    A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

    Q. What is a turbine?
    A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
     
  2. Herdfan

    Herdfan DIRECTV A-Team

    6,444
    87
    Mar 18, 2006
    Teays...
    My M-I-L actually grades standardized tests. These would actually be considered brilliant answers. She only grades content, but had to learn "text" because so many students used it in their answers.
     
  3. billsharpe

    billsharpe Hall Of Fame

    2,640
    63
    Jan 25, 2007
    Southern...
    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

    That reminds me of the question supposedly on a Latin exam:
    Q. Translate "Sic transit gloria mundi."
    A. Gloria got sick on the trolley car on Monday.
     
  4. 4HiMarks

    4HiMarks Hall Of Fame

    1,551
    31
    Jan 21, 2004
    Laurel, MD
    "GCSE examinations" are given in the UK, not "many states" in the US. These test answers have been making the rounds for as long as there has been email.
     

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