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Last 7 days - Longest year of my life...

Discussion in 'The OT' started by Ray_Clum, Oct 9, 2003.

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  1. Oct 9, 2003 #1 of 16
    Ray_Clum

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    Got a call last Wednesday (10/1) from my uncle in Georgia (lives near my mom). He said she's getting pretty bad. I drive down on Friday morning (leave Indy about 4am) and when I get to Georgia, she's pretty much in a coma. The hospice nurse comes on Saturday and tells us that we should all go in and tell her that we will be okay and that's is okay for her to let go and then to give her time to process the information. Specifically that I needed to tell her a white lie that Noah (my unborn son) is here and is fine. I told her that shortly after the nurse left, then we all sat down for dinner, no one else had said anything to her and she died about 15 minutes after I talked to her.

    My grandmother (86 years old) has a heart attack on Sunday, probably due to the stress from her daughter passing and all of the company but she's currently in ICU in Georgia.

    As an aside - tell your parents to pre-arrange their funeral. Doing so was one of the hardest things I had to do last weekend (aside from the funeral itself) and pre-arranging it could be one of the best presents your parents could give you and your siblings.

    Drive back to Indy yesterday (10/8) because my wife is having a C-Section at 10:00 am on Thursday (10/9 - TODAY!!!).

    A VERY roller-coaster type week...
     
  2. Oct 9, 2003 #2 of 16
    jonstad

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    Condolences for your mom. Best wishes on the C-section.

    All things pass. Everything changes. Life goes on. There's nothing we can do to prevent it even if we wanted to.
     
  3. Oct 9, 2003 #3 of 16
    cooper

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    Lost my mom a year and a half ago. She was only 65. Doing some rough math, my wife and I figure we were about 2 weeks pregnant when she passed. Totally sucks that she's not going to meet my son. I'm not real religious, but I got to believe she's watching over him and smiling and enjoying watching grow up. Keep the faith. Your wife and child will be fine and your mom will see everything.
     
  4. Oct 9, 2003 #4 of 16
    Phil T

    Phil T Well-Known Member DBSTalk Club

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    During August, I was in Ohio to help my brother move my mom (86) into assisted living. I also drove her car back to Colorado for my 16 year old twins to drive. Mom really did not want to leave her apartment of 20+ years or give up the car, but she just had an accident, and had fallen several times and was not eating properly. We felt we had to do something.

    Two days after I got there she had a stroke and was in the hospital for 10 days. She lost the use of her right hand and has trouble speaking. She is doing ok now and getting regular physical therapy.

    If we had not already set up the assisted living, I don't know what we would have done. But at $3000.00 per month for assisted living and $500.00 per month for her drugs, we are not sure how long we can keep her there. We did not want to put her in a state run nursing home, but may have to when the money runs out.

    We do feel good knowing that she is getting 3 meals a day and that her medication is being given to her. We hope she has a couple of good year left. I hear that she is starting to attend some of the functions (bingo, birthday party's etc) so I hope we made the right decision.
     
  5. Oct 9, 2003 #5 of 16
    RichW

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    "As an aside - tell your parents to pre-arrange their funeral."

    This is very good advice. Its something that people don't want to think about, maybe in part because of some superstition that it will bring the end sooner. In my case, my wife and daughters know my wishes and the details will be carried out by the men in my fraternal organization.

    Also make sure you have some way of covering funeral expenses. My dad died, and the financial burden my mother faced added greatly to the stress. Fortunately, her sons came to the rescue, but if we had known beforehand that there was a problem, we could have saved her that worry. Dad thought he had an insurance policy through the company he worked for before he retired. But the company had gone broke and the insurance was no good.
     
  6. Oct 9, 2003 #6 of 16
    Bogy

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    First Ray, my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time of death and life. I know your faith will keep you going through this very stressful time.

    As far as pre-arranging funerals, I have been involved in hundreds of funerals. Some were family members, including my father, and many were total strangers. My involvement has ranged from my Dad's funeral, where I was very involved, to showing up to officiate the service. Some families want me involved in everything, others barely want to see me. Some had every last detail planned out, and some had died with no warning, with no plans whatsoever made. My father knew the end was coming, and most of the funeral was already arranged for and planned out. He had kept a notebook and jotted things down when he thought of them. From my standpoint I really appreciate those who in some way let me know ahead of time their favorite/meaningful scripture passages. Few things are more frustrating for me than to sit down with the family of a deceased person to plan a funeral service and ask them to tell me something about their family member and get nothing but blank stares. Some families can go on for hours telling me all about mom (or whoever), remembering anecdotes and sharing memories, and others can't remember a thing that seems worth mentioning. Obviously, some families are more verbal, some are in shock, and some people are more memorable than others, but it seems sad when a person can live 80 some years, and their family can think of nothing to share about them.

    If your mother or father (or you) is starting to get to that point of life, talk about their wishes. This is going to be very difficult for some. As Rich pointed out, some have the superstition that talking about death will bring it about. But in the long run it is much better than waiting until after the fact.
     
  7. Ray_Clum

    Ray_Clum Hall Of Fame

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    Noah was born 10:41 am on October 9, 2003. He weighed 9 lb 2.5 oz and was 19-3/4" long.
     
  8. Phil T

    Phil T Well-Known Member DBSTalk Club

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    :joy: :sunsmile: :balloons:

    Congratulations!
     
  9. Richard King

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    Congrats Ray!!
     
  10. John Corn

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    Congrats Ray !!! :)
     
  11. pez2002

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    Congrats :) :):)
     
  12. Bogy

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    Noah is a chunk. :D I appreciate babies that are born big enough to sit up and take nourishment when they are born. My three all started at about this size. Congratulations. :hurah:
     
  13. Ray_Clum

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    The tough part for the doctor was pulling Noah out and off his bicycle...

    He's a BIG boy! At 4 days old he's already lifting his head up when you rest him on your chest to burp him...
     
  14. HarryD

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    Lehigh...
    Way to go Ray! Is this your first?
     
  15. Ray_Clum

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    Yep! And a true gift from God. We spent 4 years trying. 2 years ago we were using fertility drugs and artificial insemination - nothing. We looked into in vitro and adoption - those run $15-20k and I ain't got a grove of money trees, so we said, okay God, when you are ready for us to have kids, you'll bless us with one.
     
  16. Neil Derryberry

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    Mar 23, 2002
    congratulations!
     
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