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Limericks for the John (PG rated)

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by JM Anthony, Aug 25, 2004.

  1. JM Anthony

    JM Anthony Child of the 60's DBSTalk Gold Club

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    Got any "interesting" limericks worth sharing?? Here's an oldie to get things going.


    An oversexed robot named Hank
    Fell in love with a 20 ton tank
    His ardor was futile
    The results were quite brutal
    For his nuts hit the floor with a clank
     
  2. Sep 1, 2004 #2 of 35
    DarrellP

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    Here I sit broken hearted, came to sh*t and only farted.
     
  3. Sep 1, 2004 #3 of 35
    shandy

    shandy Guest

    in derbytown in derbytown
    the streets are made of glass
    and when you walk upon them
    you fall upon your ass
    but if you think i'm kidding
    or if you think i lie
    why don't you go to ferbytown and see the same as i

    In derbytown in derbytown 2 men were digging a ditch
    1 was a son of a millionaire
    the other a son of a b---h
    but if you think i'm kidding
    or if you think i lie
    why don't you go to derbytown and see the same as i
     
  4. Sep 2, 2004 #4 of 35
    merick

    merick New Member

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    Here I sit, taking sh*t, toilet paper not a bit.
    Boss is calling, cannot linger, lookout a**hole, here comes my finger.
     
  5. Sep 2, 2004 #5 of 35
    DarrellP

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    This reminds me of my Army days: Our C-Rats came with a very small ration of TP and the Drill Sergeant explained how to use such a small amount: Take 1 square, poke your finger through it, wipe your ass then pull your finger through the paper, wiping off the excrement. :eek: :rotfl: !pushit!
     
  6. Sep 2, 2004 #6 of 35
    JM Anthony

    JM Anthony Child of the 60's DBSTalk Gold Club

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    Ahhhh! Another example of government waste.
     
  7. Sep 3, 2004 #7 of 35
    rjenkins

    rjenkins Legend

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    I believe it goes:

    Here I sit, broken hearted. Paid a dime, but only farted.
    That's okay, yesterday I took a chance and accidently sh*t my pants.
     
  8. Sep 3, 2004 #8 of 35
    Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    The...
    From some of the departures from Limeracy posted above, it is apparent that not everyone is familiar with the unique characteristics of the Limerick.

    The Limerick is a style of poetry that is a fixed poetic form and is native to the English language.* Limericks, which date from the 1700s, traditionally have five lines in spondaic hexameter, of which the first two and the last rhyme, and the third and forth lines rhyme.

    "Hickory Dickory Dock..." (remember?) was a Limerick, and one of the few suitable for recitation in a nursery. Most classic limericks are erotic in content and crude in their recitation. It has been said that the best Limerick is one which is entirely unsuitable for publication. I shall recite a few which, while questionable, are more or less suitable for this nursery.

    The Limerick form is complex
    Its contents run mainly to sex
    It burgeons with virgeons
    And masculine urgeons
    And swarms with erotic effects

    There once was a man from Kent
    whose tool was horribly bent
    so to save himself trouble
    he put it in double
    instead of coming, he went.

    A pansy who lived in Khartoom
    Took a lesbian up to his room
    They argued all night
    Over who had the right
    To do what, and with which, and to whom.

    There was a young lady named Prentice
    Who had an affair with her dentist
    To make things easier
    He used anesthesia,
    As he diddled her non compos mentis.

    *Adapted from "The Limerick" - edited by G. Legman
     
  9. Sep 3, 2004 #9 of 35
    JM Anthony

    JM Anthony Child of the 60's DBSTalk Gold Club

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    My hat goes off to you, Nick. Once again, a post of supreme form. Educational as well as entertaining.
     
  10. merick

    merick New Member

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    Then there is the one about the man from Nantucket...

    Sorry - not quite clean enough for here.
     
  11. Paladin

    Paladin Banned User

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    From "The Leftwing Media Commenting RNC"

    Where is the admin on this thead, would you want your "family" to read the above posts. I made a sex joke, you guys made sex jokes. None but mine was censored. Get to work admin!
     
  12. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    The...
    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Whose foot got stuck in a bucket
    As he stumbled and fell
    Into a deep well
    He was heard to exclaim, "Aw, f**k it!"
     
  13. Bogy

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    Nice educational post. Limericks are really not my thing, so I have not contributed, but a number of those posted seemed more in line with the classic "Burma Shave" jingles than limericks. :D
     
  14. Bogy

    Bogy Hall Of Fame

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    Whine, whine, whine. Get over it. Your comment was not a joke. Show some maturity.
     
  15. Paladin

    Paladin Banned User

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    Why don't you just go off to the nursing home, old man.
     
  16. Bogy

    Bogy Hall Of Fame

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    THAT'S mature. :D
     
  17. Paladin

    Paladin Banned User

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    Nope. I'm determined not to rise to your level. Didn't you go to school with Strom Thrumand? :lol:
     
  18. Bogy

    Bogy Hall Of Fame

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    So instead of rising to my level you insist on remaining down there in the gutter with the rest of the right wingers and make attacks like your reference to Strom Thurman? :D :grin: :sure: :lol:
     
  19. Paladin

    Paladin Banned User

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    Figured that out didya? I shouldn't be grouped with right wingers anymore than you should be grouped with Christians. :lol:

    Actually, I'm enjoying this, old man. I think I'll keep it up, I bet you wish you could, oh well there are little blue pills for that. :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Here is a limerick for ya:

    There once was a man named Bogy,
    whose religion was really quite phony,
    he commented all day,
    to protect the gay,
    'cause it really gives him a boney!

    Oh well, I'm no poet, but who is. :lol:
     
  20. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    The...
    :listenup: All right, you two, let's calm down a little, now.
    It's almost time for your naps. Stay on your own mats
    and keep your hands to yourself.

    -- Mod :smaileinh <--mod hat
     

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