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The Airport Incident.....

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by Richard King, Jun 4, 2002.

  1. Richard King

    Richard King Hall Of Fame

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    Mar 25, 2002
    :lol: I think it was a consperacy :lol:


    Grandma Beats Up Airport Security Guards
    by Bob Wallace

    Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth "Grammy" Gordon, an 83-year-old
    wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was originally charged with assault and
    battery, and assault with a deadly weapon, because an altercation she had
    last week with six airport security guards, that left all six hospitalized.

    "Justice has been served," said the 95-pound mother of three and grandmother
    of six, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her breathing by an oxygen
    bottle. "Now I'm going to sue every fool in the federal government for
    ignorance, stupidity, and just plain general incompetence. I'm an American,
    and I won't be treated like this."

    The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board an airplane.
    "These guys are supposed to be some kind of professionals," she said, "but
    they're dumber than rocks. Here they were letting guys who looked just like
    terrorists walk through without searching them, and then they pull me aside
    and tell me they're going to search me? I don't think so."

    According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, one guard, "who
    weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was drunk, and had his shirt out,
    told this woman she couldn't board the plane unless they searched her. He
    was really rude. That's when the trouble started."

    Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her motorized
    wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while spinning her chair in
    circles. "Doofus was so fat he couldn't get up," said Gordon with a giggle.

    One guard who attempted to pull Gordon's wheelchair off of the screaming man
    from behind was hit over the head with an oxygen bottle and knocked
    unconscious. A third guard, who approached Gordon from the front, was also
    left dazed on the floor. Witnesses said she was cackling, "Put your hands on
    an old lady, will you?" as she bashed both guards.

    The tape also showed a fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon's wheelchair.
    Gordon removed a knitting needle from her purse and stabbed him in his left
    buttock. "What a wimp," she told reporters. "He started screaming and
    grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone kicked."

    "It was amazing," said another witness, a Scott Ryan. "The whole crowd just
    stood there cheering and clapping. I mean, she was whupping butt."

    A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of his pants set on
    fire
    with a cigarette lighter than had escaped detection. "He just went whoosh
    across the concourse, screaming and slapping at all these flames flying out
    of his rear," said Ryan.

    A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in a body hug. "I think that
    was the wrong thing to do," said another witness, who declined to be
    identified.
    "She just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one hand and cracked him
    across the jaw with her skinny fist. And down and out he went."

    After all this, Gordon's chair was still sitting on top of the first guard.
    The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling, "Apologize to me, you
    fat sumbitch, or when I'm done with you you'll just be a greasy spot on the
    floor!"

    As the crowd roared, the guard cried, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uncle! I won't
    do it again!"

    Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and was taken to jail
    and released on her own recognizance. "We didn't have any choice," said an
    unidentified officer of the court. "Over 200 people showed up to support
    her. I think if we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot."

    Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing the
    precariousness of the case, Gordon was not charged with anything. "I doubt
    there's a jury in the whole country that would have found her guilty of
    anything," said one of the lawyers.

    "I'm flying again tomorrow," Gordon told reporters. "And I suggest no one at
    the airport so much as look at me wrong."
     
  2. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    Apr 23, 2002
    The...
    Great story, Richard.

    Looks like the recent phenomenom of
    passengers asserting themselves isn't
    just for on board a hijacked aircraft
    anymore!
     
  3. John Corn

    John Corn Hall Of Fame

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    Mar 21, 2002
    :lol:
     
  4. Richard King

    Richard King Hall Of Fame

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    Mar 25, 2002
    No one has found the secret connection of the names in this story yet. There is more to this than it appears... :D
     
  5. Richard King

    Richard King Hall Of Fame

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    Mar 25, 2002
    Am I too old, or are there no Harold and Maude fans here?
     
  6. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    Apr 23, 2002
    The...
    Yes, and No! :lol: :lol: :lol:.
     
  7. Richard King

    Richard King Hall Of Fame

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    Mar 25, 2002

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