Jump to content


Welcome to DBSTalk


Sign In 

Create Account
Welcome to DBSTalk. Our community covers all aspects of video delivery solutions including: Direct Broadcast Satellite (DBS), Cable Television, and Internet Protocol Television (IPTV). We also have forums to discuss popular television programs, home theater equipment, and internet streaming service providers. Members of our community include experts who can help you solve technical problems, industry professionals, company representatives, and novices who are here to learn.

Like most online communities you must register to view or post in our community. Sign-up is a free and simple process that requires minimal information. Be a part of our community by signing in or creating an account. The Digital Bit Stream starts here!
  • Reply to existing topics or start a discussion of your own
  • Subscribe to topics and forums and get email updates
  • Send private personal messages (PM) to other forum members
  • Customize your profile page and make new friends
 
Guest Message by DevFuse

Photo

Hollywood Squares

favorites limit

  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 OFFLINE   Ferenczy

Ferenczy

    AllStar

  • Registered
  • 57 posts
Joined: Sep 09, 2008

Posted 10 June 2009 - 10:41 AM

For those of us that remember...


These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course...

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde (About fifteen minutes later): Loneliness!

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It' - 'I Can Help' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q.. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A.. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...

Not screaming and yelling like the people on his bus.

...Ads Help To Support This SIte...

#2 OFFLINE   hdtvfan0001

hdtvfan0001

    Hall Of Fame

  • DBSTalk Club
  • 32,081 posts
Joined: Jul 28, 2004

Posted 10 June 2009 - 10:47 AM

!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling

Classics and keepers....sad to say...I heard a number of these in person watching that show. :eek2::D
DBSTalk CHAT ROOM MODERATOR
DirecTV Customer Since 1996

#3 OFFLINE   turey22

turey22

    Hall Of Fame

  • Registered
  • 1,177 posts
Joined: Jul 30, 2007

Posted 10 June 2009 - 10:55 AM

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh



This one is funny! :)

#4 OFFLINE   paulman182

paulman182

    Hall Of Fame

  • Registered
  • 4,838 posts
Joined: Aug 04, 2006

Posted 10 June 2009 - 01:10 PM

There aren't many jokes posted on here that get me laughing out loud, but this one sure did!

#5 OFFLINE   dpfaunts

dpfaunts

    Godfather

  • Registered
  • 253 posts
Joined: Oct 17, 2006

Posted 10 June 2009 - 01:15 PM

Great humor... to bad everything is too PC to have a show like that today.
Darryle

HR24-100 HDMI Samsung 85687W
HR22-100 Component Samsung HLN4365W
HR21-700 HDMI Vizio SV370XVT
HR20-100 SVID Panasonic CRT
SLIMLINE (SL3) SWM
DirecTV 8/98

#6 OFFLINE   BubblePuppy

BubblePuppy

    Good night dear Smoke... love you & "got your butt...&a

  • Registered
  • 5,262 posts
Joined: Nov 03, 2006

Posted 10 June 2009 - 03:57 PM

Actually, the stars were given the questions and answers beforehand, but were also given the option to ad lib if they wanted to.
Paul Lynde and Charlie Weaver were my favorites. Scripted and/or ad libbed it was a very funny.
Thanks to Google search, people can appear to be smarter than they really are.

#7 OFFLINE   Ferenczy

Ferenczy

    AllStar

  • Topic Starter
  • Registered
  • 57 posts
Joined: Sep 09, 2008

Posted 10 June 2009 - 04:31 PM

!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling!rolling

Classics and keepers....sad to say...I heard a number of these in person watching that show. :eek2::D


...same here, right after dinner while sitting with Papaw and a large glass of sweetened iced tea ;)
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...

Not screaming and yelling like the people on his bus.

#8 OFFLINE   BubblePuppy

BubblePuppy

    Good night dear Smoke... love you & "got your butt...&a

  • Registered
  • 5,262 posts
Joined: Nov 03, 2006

Posted 10 June 2009 - 05:00 PM

"Although The Hollywood Squares was a legitimate game show, the game largely acted as the background for the show's comedy in the form of the "zingers", or joke answers, often given by the stars prior to their "real" answer. The show's writers usually supplied the zingers; in addition, the stars were given question subjects and plausible incorrect ("bluff") answers prior to the show. (The show was scripted in this sense, but the gameplay was not, as a contestant's success was based upon knowing whether the celebrity's "real" answer was correct.) In any case, as host Peter Marshall explains at the beginning of the "Secret Square" game, the celebrities are briefed prior to show to help them with bluff answers, but they are otherwise hearing the actual questions as they are asked on air."
Thanks to Google search, people can appear to be smarter than they really are.

#9 OFFLINE   Henry

Henry

    Retired Member

  • DBSTalk Club
  • 3,276 posts
  • LocationPine, CO
Joined: Nov 15, 2007

Posted 10 June 2009 - 05:00 PM

!rolling:rolling::rolling::rolling::rolling: !rolling
VIP722kDVR (Living Room)
VIP211 (Bedroom)
VIP622DVR (Art Room)

DMA 18 (Denver)

#10 OFFLINE   Jimmy 440

Jimmy 440

    Hall Of Fame

  • Registered
  • 1,666 posts
  • LocationMonmouth County NJ
Joined: Nov 16, 2007

Posted 10 June 2009 - 07:25 PM

That show brings back some memories !!!!

JIMMY

DirecTv 1999
Olevia 42" HD
HR22-100
--------------------
NHL CI
MLB EI


#11 OFFLINE   hdtvfan0001

hdtvfan0001

    Hall Of Fame

  • DBSTalk Club
  • 32,081 posts
Joined: Jul 28, 2004

Posted 10 June 2009 - 08:07 PM

Apparently even back then...the writers were funnier and celebrities more talented than some are now...

http://www.dbstalk.c...ad.php?t=159622
DBSTalk CHAT ROOM MODERATOR
DirecTV Customer Since 1996

#12 OFFLINE   sideswipe

sideswipe

    Legend

  • Registered
  • 208 posts
Joined: Dec 04, 2008

Posted 11 June 2009 - 04:22 PM

!rolling

#13 OFFLINE   mxd

mxd

    Legend

  • Registered
  • 122 posts
Joined: Jan 17, 2006

Posted 31 July 2009 - 02:11 PM

I'll never forget this one:

Q: Do most women smoke after sex?
Paul Lynde: If they do, they're going too fast.




Protected By... spam firewall...And...