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Guest Message by DevFuse

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How Fights Start


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6 replies to this topic

#1 OFFLINE   citico

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Posted 11 January 2010 - 10:36 AM

How Fights Start...

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"


And then the fight started.....
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'


And then the fight started...
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'>


'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'


And then the fight started...
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...
******************************************
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'


And then the fight started.....

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#2 OFFLINE   coldsteel

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Posted 11 January 2010 - 11:35 AM

Classics.
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The opinions posted on this site are my own and do not represent DISH Network's positions, strategies or opinions. Unless I decide to be bad or call out an idiot...

#3 OFFLINE   JACKIEGAGA

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Posted 11 January 2010 - 11:51 AM

I love it nice

JACK,
 
 


#4 OFFLINE   Supramom2000

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Posted 15 January 2010 - 09:32 PM

Those were awesome!!

"But the freedom that they fought for, and the country grand they wrought for, is their monument today, and for aye." "This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave."

My Setup


#5 OFFLINE   davring

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Posted 15 January 2010 - 09:44 PM

Reminds me of the time my mother in law borrowed my car and got into an accident, my first qwestion was how is the car.....thats how the fight started.....:)
HR20-700(2.0TB)>Sony XBR-55HX929
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DirecTV customer since 1997

#6 OFFLINE   kocuba

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Posted 09 February 2010 - 01:56 PM

Speaking of Mother-in-laws...

A man gets his mother-in-law a casket for Christmas one year.

The next year he doesn't buy her anything.

She asks him "Why didn't you get me anything for Christmas this year"

His reply... "Cause you haven't used what I got you last year."

And that's how the fight started.
Dave

HR20-700 connected to Zenith Z50PV220 50" Plasma, Networked, Native Off, OTA
HR20-700 Connected to Hitachi P42H401 42" Plasma, Networked, Native Off, OTA

#7 OFFLINE   scroll

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 11:01 PM

that's how the fight started...:lol:




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