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Guest Message by DevFuse

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It's Murder


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9 replies to this topic

#1 OFFLINE   Richard King

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 04:36 PM

Subject: : MURDER AT WALMART


MURDER AT WALMART
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...























(You're going to hate me for this...)


'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'
Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff.
I receive it from my warped friends then send them on to you.
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#2 OFFLINE   pfp

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Posted 12 April 2010 - 05:50 PM

it's cute :)
I do, I offer a complete and utter retraction. The imputation was totally without basis in fact, and was in no way fair comment, and was motivated purely by malice, and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you, or your family, and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander at any time in the future.

#3 OFFLINE   dmspen

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Posted 13 April 2010 - 07:49 AM

I first heard a variation of this in 1970. That's how old this is...yet it remains strangely current and relevant.;)

#4 OFFLINE   dbconsultant

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 12:42 PM

People in my office are wondering why I'm sitting here laughing!

!rolling:rolling::rotfl:

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#5 OFFLINE   matt

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 01:58 PM

People in my office are wondering why I'm sitting here laughing!

!rolling:rolling::rotfl:


I am wondering why too...
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#6 OFFLINE   hdtvfan0001

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 02:46 PM

!rolling....good one.
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#7 OFFLINE   dbconsultant

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Posted 16 April 2010 - 11:25 AM

I am wondering why too...


Cuz I thought it was funny!!! I love groaners!

Debi

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#8 OFFLINE   scroll

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Posted 22 April 2010 - 12:24 AM

well tried :rolling:!rolling

#9 OFFLINE   matt

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Posted 22 April 2010 - 12:30 AM

I just realized this was posted by a mod... can I brown nose and change my reply to:

:rolling: :rolling: BAHAHA! :rolling: :rolling:
Slimline 5 with SWM-16
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Owned H25-700 and H24-700 off and packed for the move.

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#10 OFFLINE   mystic7

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Posted 24 April 2010 - 02:35 PM

I think I heard Shelly Berman tell this one in the Catskills back in '68...




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