Trying not to be combative but that's not how TiVo 4's work. Hit pause, resume on a mini, slick as heck.
The other issue is trying to delete if the program is paused on another unit, HR 44 won't do it.
The TiVo paradigm for multi-room viewing is different than DirecTV's. TiVo assumes that only one person is ever watching any one program/recording. When doing MRV between TiVo DVRs the recording is actually copied to the local DVR so each location is watching its own copy. As a result, when you press pause on the TiVo 4 DVR and then go to the client, you are resuming the SAME viewing session. When you go to a DirecTV client you are starting a NEW viewing session. To pass the pause point from one session to the other, you have to set a bookmark by exiting playback (either by pressing stop or exit, or turning the DVR off).
There are advantages and disadvantages to each approach (some of which have been discussed above). Both the RC71 and the older RC65 remotes will turn off both the TV and the DVR when you press "off" which would eliminate your problem since once the DVR is off, you won't see or hear any "realtime" content.