A guy walks into a bar...

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by Stuart Sweet, Jan 21, 2008.

  1. Stuart Sweet

    Stuart Sweet The Shadow Knows!

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    Let's start a thread with your favorite "a guy walks into a bar" jokes.

    A guy walks into a bar, he's got his dog with him.

    Bartender says, you can't have that dog in here.

    Guy says, You don't get it, this is a talking dog.

    Bartender says, ok you prove that he stays. Otherwise you're both out.

    Guy says OK dog, what's on top of a house.

    Dog says, Roof.

    Guy says OK dog, what's my name.

    Dog says, Ralph.

    Guy says OK dog, who was the greatest baseball player who ever lived.

    Dog says, Ruth.

    Bouncer comes over, gives the guy the heave ho. Picks up the dog, then the dog looks back at the bartender, he says,

    Maybe I shoulda said Dimaggio!
     
  2. tomcrown1

    tomcrown1 Hall Of Fame

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    Maybe Berry Bonds???
     
  3. Nick

    Nick Charter Gold Club Member DBSTalk Club

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    The...
    Guy walks into a bar with a baseball bat...
     
  4. smiddy

    smiddy Tain't ogre til its ogre

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    I never found out the end of this one from Breakfast Club, if I can remember it:

    A guy walks into a bar.

    He has a three foot salami under one arm and a blond in the other...

    <crash>

    He falls through the ceiling tiles.

    Does anyone know how that finishes or if I'm even close?
     
  5. Upstream

    Upstream Hall Of Fame

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    A guy walks into a bar.

    He says "Ouch."
     
  6. Upstream

    Upstream Hall Of Fame

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    A mushroom walks into a bar.

    The bartender says, "You have to leave. We don't serve mushrooms here."

    The mushroom says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy."
     
  7. Upstream

    Upstream Hall Of Fame

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    A horse walks into a bar.

    The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
     
  8. Carl Spock

    Carl Spock Superfly

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    A minister, a priest and a rabbi all walk into a bar.

    The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
     
  9. Upstream

    Upstream Hall Of Fame

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    A dog limps into a bar, with a bandage on one leg.

    He says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa(w)."
     
  10. Carl Spock

    Carl Spock Superfly

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    These are actually pretty easy jokes to write:

    A Trekkie walks into a bar.

    The bartender says, "Does your mom know you're out and in a bar?"

    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    A DirecTV customer walks into a bar.

    The bartender offers him $200 but he can drink only in this bar for two years.

    The customer says the other bartender offered him a better deal.
     
  11. Upstream

    Upstream Hall Of Fame

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    A naked blond walks into a bar with a two foot salami under one arm and a poodle under the other. The bartender says, "I guess you'll be needing a drink."

    <crash>


    There is no punchline. The joke was made up for the movie.

    So what would the punchline be?

    The blond replies, "Drinking is how I ended up like this."

    The poodle replies, "That's my third wish."
     
  12. Upstream

    Upstream Hall Of Fame

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    :lol: :lol: :lol:


    (Actually it is more like the bartender offered to sell him a drink for $200 and told him he can drink only in this bar for two years.)
     
  13. kocuba

    kocuba Icon

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    Two men walk into a bar. The third ducks.
     
  14. Carl Spock

    Carl Spock Superfly

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    A guy walks into a bar carrying a bag. He asks the bartender if he can drink for free if he provides the music. The bartender agrees and so the guy pulls a small piano out of the bag, followed by a little man, barely a foot tall. The little man sits down at the piano and starts to play. He's a wonderful piano player and singer, and entertains the bar for over an hour.

    Before they leave, the bartender asks the guy as to where he found the piano player. The guy says he was walking along the beach and found a lamp buried in the sand. Rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared and granted the man a wish. "Too bad the genie was hard of hearing," says the guy. When the bartender questions why, the guy replies, "You don't think I would ask for a twelve inch pianist?"
     
  15. jkane

    jkane Icon

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    A termite jumps up on a bar and says ...

    Is the bar tender here?
     
  16. Carl Spock

    Carl Spock Superfly

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    Earl walks into a bar. Before he orders a beer, he puts on a pocket protector filled with three pens, a mechanical pencil and a black fine line marker. When the bartender asks him why, Earl says, "I drink like an engineer."
     
  17. Stuart Sweet

    Stuart Sweet The Shadow Knows!

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    Jun 18, 2006
    Stuart walks into a bar but no one sees him... only his shadow.
     

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