1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

It's Murder

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by Richard King, Apr 12, 2010.

  1. Richard King

    Richard King Hall Of Fame

    Mar 25, 2002
    Subject: : MURDER AT WALMART

    Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
    A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

    The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

    A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

    However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
    Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
    The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

    (You're going to hate me for this...)

    'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'
    Oh, quit groaning!
    I don't write this stuff.
    I receive it from my warped friends then send them on to you.
  2. pfp

    pfp Whatever

    Apr 28, 2009
    it's cute :)
  3. dmspen

    dmspen Hall Of Fame DBSTalk Club

    Dec 1, 2006
    Los Gatos,...
    I first heard a variation of this in 1970. That's how old this is...yet it remains strangely current and relevant.;)
  4. dbconsultant

    dbconsultant Hall Of Fame

    Sep 13, 2005
    Temecula, CA
    People in my office are wondering why I'm sitting here laughing!

  5. matt

    matt New Member

    Jan 11, 2010
    I am wondering why too...
  6. hdtvfan0001

    hdtvfan0001 Well-Known Member

    Jul 28, 2004
    !rolling....good one.
  7. dbconsultant

    dbconsultant Hall Of Fame

    Sep 13, 2005
    Temecula, CA
    Cuz I thought it was funny!!! I love groaners!
  8. scroll

    scroll Mentor

    Apr 10, 2010
    well tried :rolling:!rolling
  9. matt

    matt New Member

    Jan 11, 2010
    I just realized this was posted by a mod... can I brown nose and change my reply to:

    :rolling: :rolling: BAHAHA! :rolling: :rolling:
  10. mystic7

    mystic7 Icon

    Dec 9, 2007
    I think I heard Shelly Berman tell this one in the Catskills back in '68...

Share This Page