Need to tell someone (a cry for help?)

Discussion in 'The OT' started by ProfLonghair, Nov 29, 2007.

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  1. gulfwarvet

    gulfwarvet Tips & Resources Collaboration

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    Good to hear that your still working on things.
    far as EMDR i never heard of it mention at the VA hospitals that i have to go to, but the next time i'll ask around and see if it works or not.

    until then...
     
  2. Tom Robertson

    Tom Robertson Lifetime Achiever DBSTalk Club

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    EMDR can be very helpful, especially to recover from traumatic events from the past. It also can be helpful to deal with core personal issues that may not have a singular event.

    The only risk is if the person administering the session does not carefully monitor the stress and emotional level of the patient, reliving the experience can be very overwhelming and make things worse for a time. (Most therapies runs that same risk.)

    If you have a good therapist, experienced in the type of issues you are dealing with, I wouldn't hesitate. It can be very helpful to achieve meaningful breakthroughs quickly

    Cheers,
    Tom
     
  3. jutley

    jutley Godfather

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    ProfLonghair,

    Somehow I missed this thread the first time around. Although it saddened me greatly to read your first post, I'm glad I found it now so I can lend my support. I hate to see or hear about others in pain.

    I, like so many others here, don't know you personally, but my prayers will be with you.

    Life seems to throw so many challenges, stubmling blocks, and trials at us and sometimes just when we least expect them. From reading your posts on this forum I can tell you are a stong person and I believe with the right help (which you are involved with now--good work) you can get through anything!

    Please continue to keep us informed...we are family here!
     
  4. Selenna

    Selenna Fair Lady of the forums DBSTalk Gold Club

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    I haven't dropped by here in a very long time so I don't know you (or vice versa). However, having been through something similar I will offer one piece of advice... don't push your wife for a yes/no answer on your marriage. It sounds like the two of you are trying to work things out, and I hope that things come out for the best for both of you, whatever that may be, but give it the time it needs. You didn't get where you are in just a few weeks or months so it's likely the reverse trip will take time also.

    When my marriage was having trouble we went to a counselor but after each session my ex would ask me if I was going to stay now (presumably because he had said the "right" things during that one-hour session so everything should be better now, right?). I kept telling him I needed time... to think and also to see if I could really believe that he would change as he told me he would. I was willing to work on our relationship but not willing to take on faith that just because he said something that it would be true for more than the short term. A few weeks after we began he told me he couldn't keep going on like we were - not knowing if we were going to be together - and he wanted an answer NOW dammit... were we going to stay together 'til death do us part or was it over? I told him I couldn't answer that and we needed to keep working at it and see where that led us. He refused to accept that and demanded an answer until I finally told him if those were my only choices then it was over.

    In all honesty I believe that's where we would have ended up anyway, so maybe it was for the best, but speaking from the perspective of someone wondering if her spouse can really change his behavior, time is a necessary ingredient.

    Good luck.

    --Sel
     
  5. djlong

    djlong Hall Of Fame

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    Decay needs a long time to repair.

    Prof, I'm glad that you're in counseling - I wish my estranged wife would have lived up to her word (she said if I went to therapy, she'd go to couples counseling, so I did and she backed out of her word).

    But I'd really like to back up Selenna's words. It takes a lot of time and effort to rebuild. It's like a house - heck MY house works as the perfect metaphor. There's 15 years of neglect here that I'm scrambling to fix up. Now, I've fixed the heat, replaced some doors, put in new garage doors and motors, refurbished a bathroom, etc. But I still have a foundation to repair and of the main rooms in the house, I've oly managed to clean up some of them. The family room is 'ok', the kitchen is now clean ( you can actually walk through it), my home office is cluttered but better than it used to be, the bedroom is mroe than 2/3 cleaned, the other bathroom is cleaned but the dining room is still trashed as is the living room and the cellar is another disaster.

    It takes time but it's very rewarding when you see results.

    If you make it work, yo may not know when you've crossed the "go/no go" line - but you'll be able to look back and appreciate the accomplishment.
     
  6. SteveHas

    SteveHas Hall of Fame

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    Keep goin prof!
    I admire your reach for help, and your bravery for doing wht you need to do
    I will be thinking of you
     
  7. HIPAR

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    I've never had a wife so I can't offer any advice on what seems to be the root cause of your Anxiety Disorder.

    About thirty years ago my life was changing rather dramatically and I became depressed. I understand how depression is a very real problem, both mentally and, yes, physically. I'm not going to offer sympathy. Beating this thing will require some professional help but it's mostly going to be about your mental fortitude. You are in for a hard fight.

    Alice says, go over to the user control panel and change your signature. She says you may be a nutty professor but you are anything but an mad and evil one. She's an expert on these matters.

    --- CHAS
     
  8. ProfLonghair

    ProfLonghair Hall Of Fame

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    CMH
    Yeah, I've been meaning to do some of that.
     
  9. Button Pusher

    Button Pusher Icon DBSTalk Club

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    ProfLonghair,

    I also just found this thread and am very sorry for the troubles you are facing right now and have faced recently.My prayers go out for you and your wife.I hope only the best for you.Keep your chin up and take it one day at a time.Just remember the famous saying"No man is a failure who has friends". You have lots of friends here.
     
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