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Perfect Husband

Discussion in 'The OT' started by juan ellitinez, May 13, 2005.

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  1. cdru

    cdru Hall Of Fame

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    I think that depends on where you are in life. I met my wife-to-be while I was I junior in high school (summer of 96). I didn't marry her until the summer of 2000. When we met, she still had 2 years of high school left and I had a year obviously. If you start the clock when she graduated, it was nearly two years before we wed. We cohabited the entire time after she graduated. It wasn't that we weren't sure if the other was the "right" one, it was that we just weren't in a stage in our lives where we could just run out and get married without financial repercussions.

    I was still in college and was under my parents medical insurance still. Neither of us had a "real" job that provided benefits. Getting married would have put us in a tight place. I ended up getting a full time internship that provided more of a stable financial backing. Once I had that job, we ended up getting officially engaged about 9 months later, marrying 6 months after that. The first work day back after the honeymoon I started a full time position with benefits.

    In our case, it would have been foolish for us to marry in the first 2 years as one or both of us were still in high school. We could have gotten married just out of high school, but we took it slower. I don't think what we did was wrong for the relationship, just different then what may be the norm. Now that I'm a professional adult, I would agree that 4 years is probably too long.
     
  2. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    I think a test marriage, as in shacking up, is probably a good idea, as long as precautions are taken to prevent pregnancy. People who live together get to see their partners, warts and all, so to speak. Those who rush into marriage are completely out of their freakin' minds. Control those hormones. It's Mother Nature's way of conning you into propagating the species. She's been doing it to us for years and years. You're not the first. Don't fall for it. Resist the urge to replicate yourself! :grrr:
     
  3. ntexasdude

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    My two beautiful children are proof that birth control doesn't always work. Once using the pill and once using condoms. We wanted to wait several years after we were married to have kids but it just didn't work out that way. ;)

    The only 100% surefire way to prevent pregnancy is abstinence.
     
  4. Danny R

    Danny R Goblin the Pug DBSTalk Gold Club

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    When we met, she still had 2 years of high school left and I had a year obviously

    Yeah, obviously thats too young to be considering marriage. I don't advocate fast engagements either... just relaying what some advice colunists saying. Of course the folks that call into advice shows are usually the type who have problems with committments anyway, and need a kick in the pants, so they probably don't represent a good sample.

    My wife and I met in high school as well. Got engaged in college two and a half years later with the plan to marry our senior year (another 2.5 years later). She secretly moved in with me a few months before our wedding (she still had a dorm room).
     
  5. cdru

    cdru Hall Of Fame

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    Or along the same lines, a hugh glob of tangled hair covering the shower/bathtub drain.

    Amen! Testify Brother!
     
  6. Bogy

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    At least 2/3 of the couples I marry are already living together. I used to do "hurry-up" weddings about that often. 24 years later, people just live together. Statistics show that the "survival" rate of marriages is quite a bit higher for couples who DON'T live together than those who do. I have a suspicion this has as much to do with the values of those who do not choose to live together without benefit of marriage as anything else.

    How's this for a "marriage?" Last year the husband made $192,000. He pays the mortgage and other bills, and gives the wife $150 a week for household expenses, groceries etc. They have two children, 4 and 7, and right now she is for the most part a stay at home mom. She had her license as a real estate appraiser in New Hampshire, much of which she could do from home. They moved to New York about a year ago. The requirements for her license there are different, and she has not yet been able to meet them. Since she "doesn't work" she doesn't deserve "his money." So after she gets back from the supermarket he looks at the receipt and demands the change back. Not long ago she bought herself a $9 bottle of lotion and her husband went ballistic. He also blew up when she bought herself a new pair of sneakers. The kids do slightly better on clothes. When she has to take one of the kids to the doctor she has to call him and then he transfers just enough to pay the bill from his checking account to hers. They aren't living paycheck to paycheck, because "his" checking account runs about a $30,000 balance.

    It is a little different when it comes to his own expenses. Her car has 120,000 miles and no air, he has his choice of his company supplied car and his BMW, which she is not allowed to drive. He regularly comes home with new clothes. He also will take off for Florida to play golf in the winter and had enough money to buy tickets to Red Sox playoff games last fall. He also makes at least one trip to the Dominican Republic to visit family each year. She does not need to return to the midwest to see her family because she was adopted and doesn't really have a family.

    So what do you think about this guy as a "perfect husband?" :rolleyes:
     
  7. ntexasdude

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    He's a control freak. He just might find himself alone someday soon! :nono2:
     
  8. djlong

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    And I'm an example of just the opposite.

    1st marriage - pursued her for 10 months, dated for a couple of years, engaged for over a year and a half and were living together for the last 6 months before getting married.

    Marriage didn't make it to our 3rd anniversary.

    2nd marriage.

    Met abruptly (introduced by my ex-wife). First "date" wasn't intended to be a date but we were dating by the end of the night. That was May, proposed in November, married the following February, she moved in the day after.

    18+ years and two kids later we're still going strong.
     
  9. Bogy

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    Very soon. He is my soon to be EX-brother in law. Many people just don't get that this kind of behavior is abuse.
     
  10. KingLoop

    KingLoop Custom User Title DBSTalk Gold Club

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    The wife was mad at me this morning. She tells me over coffee "I should punch you in the nose!" "Why?" I ask, "Did I leave the seat up?". "No," she responds "you left the bathroom door shut and I ran into it last night." It was kind of funny though, I thought of this thread as soon as she said it.
     
  11. Laverne

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    Sorry, Nick, but I agree with Bogy. My cousin and his NOW EX-wife lived together for 5 years. He's in the Air Force, so he's gone a lot, or at least used to be, back when he was the one fixing the airplanes. :) He was gone once for 5 months, and she cheated on him. :nono2: I think he still loves her and forgave her, but he just couldn't let it go. (Can't say as I blame him. :mad: ) BTW, he was in the AF when he met her, so it's not like she didn't know the way it would be. :shrug:
     
  12. zman977

    zman977 Godfather

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    I tried to think of anyone I know from my generation friednds, co workers, relitive, who did not live with their spouse before marriage and I could not think of anyone.
     
  13. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

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    It's ok if you agree with others, Laverne.

    But come on, now. You cannot reasonably discount my broad, unsupported generalization with a single, isolated, family-related anecdote. You need to get out more and see the world as it really is. Crappy. Unsavory trial marriages abound, and couples really need a test-drive, so to speak, to assure (not insure or ensure) themselves that they are, uh, romantically, er, compatible. Many singles even expedite the process by engaging in a series of one-night trial marriages.

    I made the mistake of not test-driving ex #1 or ex #2. In the first marriage, we were happily married for 20 years, which, out of 25 years ain't bad. We remain good friends. On the other hand, and sadly, I found out too late that #2 didn't care to participate in certain, er, exotic, ah, sporting activities. Unfortunately, we split after a year, but remain good friends. I am good friends with all my exes. Some people find that strange, but I'm really a loveable, hugable kind of guy. :eek2:

    Girl friends, OTOH, are another matter. I definitely (not definately) have not had much luck with old women. :confused: :shrug:
     
  14. djlong

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    Nick - it's not so strange - my ex and I were on pretty decent terms until I found out that, 14 years after the fact and her going through another marriage and divorce, she was still blaming me for all her problems.
     
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