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TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH

Discussion in 'Laughter Is The Best Medicine' started by John Corn, Apr 17, 2002.

  1. John Corn

    John Corn Hall Of Fame

    5,046
    0
    Mar 21, 2002
    1. Learn to work with the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We
    need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

    3. If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret Girls, don't expect
    us to act like soap opera guys.

    4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
    refuse to answer.

    5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
    if we can find the perfect present yet again!

    6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    answer you don't want to hear.

    7. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask
    us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint or the shotgun formation.

    8. Sunday=Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of
    it like that.

    10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

    11. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

    12. Crying is blackmail.

    13. Ask for what you want. let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints
    don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

    14. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

    15. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    16. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
    question.

    17. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do.

    18. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    19. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee
    or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.

    20. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    21. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

    22. No, it doesn't matter what quiz.

    23. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
    comments become null and void after 7 days.

    24. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    25. Let us ogle. We're going to anyway, it's genetic.

    26. You can either tell us to DO something or tell us HOW to do
    something, but not both.

    27. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    28. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
    nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the
    hassle.

    Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping!

    :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
     
  2. MarkA

    MarkA God Bless America! DBSTalk Gold Club

    2,538
    0
    Mar 23, 2002
    "1. Learn to work with the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We
    need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down."

    So true

    "2. ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color."

    Not ALL. It bugs me when people, say, think of both salmon and fuchsia as the same thing and just say it's all "pink."

    "3. If you won't dress like Victoria's Secret Girls, don't expect
    us to act like soap opera guys."

    lol

    "4. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
    refuse to answer."

    Or refer them to a weight chart:) But those charts mean nothing. According to the charts I'm underweight, yet I know I'm fat

    "5. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
    if we can find the perfect present yet again!"

    They should be (birthdays and anniversaries). Valentines should be thrown out. It's a meaningless piece of commercial crud, and I know many females who feel the same way.

    "6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
    answer you don't want to hear."

    lol

    "7. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask
    us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint or the shotgun formation."

    You SHOULD be thinking about her a lot more than I think many males do.

    "8. Sunday=Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be."

    No Sunday=Church and resting

    "9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of
    it like that."

    It's not scored, but it's certainly a lot more exciting and fun that football. And it almost is scored - to see who can get the best deals

    "10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really."

    Depends on the situation

    "11. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes."

    How can someone have too many shoes? :)

    "12. Crying is blackmail."

    Uh, no. It's a natural human emotion

    "13. Ask for what you want. let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints
    don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!"

    Ya, they usually do. But it more comfortable if people always openly say how they feel

    "14. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar."

    If you can't remember your anniversary you need to really analyze how much you love your spouse. It's like not remembering your kids' birthdays

    "15. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?"

    Hmmm.

    "16. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
    question."

    No they aren't. They don't express one's full emotions and thoughts. Do be restricted to yes and no would be living in a black nd white (dull) world.

    "17. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do."

    You also need to be around just to listen

    "18. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

    And those you love...

    "19. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it's Bruce Lee
    or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway."

    No, forign films are often really artistic and interesting

    "20. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor."

    lol

    "21. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together."

    what quiz?

    "22. No, it doesn't matter what quiz."

    lol, I see you say my question but still, who cares?

    "23. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All
    comments become null and void after 7 days."

    Make that 90days. That's more reasonable

    "24. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one."

    What if you didn't

    "25. Let us ogle. We're going to anyway, it's genetic."

    Not so.

    "26. You can either tell us to DO something or tell us HOW to do
    something, but not both."

    That goes for everyone! I hate when ANYONE asks me to do something, and then if it's not their way insists it be done their way

    "27. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials."

    why?

    "28. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like
    nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the
    hassle."

    Then maybe you aren't committed enough

    "Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping!"

    lol
     
  3. Rick_EE

    Rick_EE Godfather

    498
    0
    Apr 5, 2002
    Football starts after church. And I rest- I never get off the couch.
     
  4. Neil Derryberry

    Neil Derryberry Hall Of Fame

    2,014
    0
    Mar 23, 2002
    "7. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask
    us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint or the shotgun formation."

    You SHOULD be thinking about her a lot more than I think many males do.

    25. Let us ogle. We're going to anyway, it's genetic."

    Not so.


    -all nobility aside, men are men and within reason, we can't help it. I love my wife more that anything save for God, but a good-looking girl turns my head. My wife is gorgeous, and her personality is even more beautiful, but for a man to look at women is purely chemical. To act on that is where the willpower comes in. My wife knows this, and it doesn't bother her, mainly because of the fact that women look too.
     
  5. Nick

    Nick Retired, part-time PITA DBSTalk Club

    21,899
    207
    Apr 23, 2002
    The...
    Geeeeeez, guys. Give it a rest. You're sucking all the fun out of this thread. Please quit over-analyzing these jokes. Pop a cold one and chill.

    Do us all a favor and just keep it to yourself.

    Nick :smoking:
     

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