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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? - 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
- 45 mins.

What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? - Sexual
Harassment

What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? - 3.99 a
minute.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? - The sex is the same,
but the dishes pile up.

How can you tell if your husband is dead? - The sex is the
same, but you get the remote.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? - Humpme Dumpme

What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist
down? - Marriage

How many men does it take to change a light bulb? - None,
they just sit there in the dark and complain.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? - Through his chest
with a sharp knife.

What have men and floor tiles got in common? - If you lay
them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Why is so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring and good-looking? - Because those men already have boyfriends.

What is a man's view of safe sex? - A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry? - "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? -
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying? -
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.

What do you call a smart blonde? - A golden retriever.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? - The guy
who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? -- The
woman who ate the last donut.

What is the difference between a battery and a man? - A
battery has a positive side.

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade.
Who has the biggest breasts? - The blonde, because she's 18.

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? - When you take
it off, you wonder where the breasts went.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? - Two mothers-in-law.
 
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