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· Hall Of Fame
5,047 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello, my name is Joe and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding
50 billion frickin chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before he ******* parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000? How stupid are we?

"Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll
get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!"

What a bunch of bull****.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house andsodomizeme in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.
Screw them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.

I don't care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on.

Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead
elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

· Cool Member
15 Posts
Yes, I like it! :)

Here is my version:

Subject: Forwarding Information

Ok, now everyone say it with me...

1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose
my mailing lists if I don't forward an e-mail.

2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I
do forward an e-mail.

3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money and
Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about a gift
certificate they're supposed to send me.

4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I
forward my e-mail to more than 50 people.

5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or
freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or
anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

6. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an
e-mail ... NEVER -- EVER!!

7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking
program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that
someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to
10 or more people!

8. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish
program in England collecting anything! He did when he
was 7 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years

9. The government does not have a bill in Congress
called 901B (or whatever they named it this week)
that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents
for every e-mail we send.

10. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving,
colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will
receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE,

11. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to
a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of
disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The
American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.

12. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into
sending things by telling me I am not their friend or
that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to
send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard
will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it
memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your
friends before the next full moon or you will surely
be constipated for the next three months and all of
your hair will fall out!


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