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WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish...................... 49
Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends
Athletic.................... No boobs
Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated
Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster
Free spirit................. Junkie
Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun......................... Annoying
Gentle...................... Comatose
Good Listener...............Borderline Autistic
New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded................. Desperate
Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk
Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional................ Certified *****
Redhead..................... Bad dye-job
Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat
Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.................. Very Fat
Weight proportion w/ height. Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker
Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart.............. Old bat


MEN'S ADS
40-ish................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated.............. Will patronize the **** out of you
Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking.......... Arrogant
Very good looking..... Dumb as a board
Honest................ Pathological Liar
Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy
Mature................ Older than your father
Open-minded........... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive............. Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive........ Gay
Spiritual............. Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts
 

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GUYS:

Enjoys long walks on a moonlit beach....serial killer
Father figure......pedophile
Financially Independent ......gets social security check on the 1st of every month
Goes from jeans to tux......wears baggy T-shirt and urine-stained briefs around the house
Handyman......all thumbs, but can call a plumber
Let me take care of you.....needs to borrow money
Loves children.......pedophile
Loves sailing.....rode Staten Island ferry once
No baggage........has amnesia
Ready to settle down......not ready to settle down
Will love your kids as my own.....pedophile
Enjoys the night life....downloading porn 'til 3:00 a.m.
Take charge kind of guy....maxed out on all 27 credit cards

GALS:

Slender.....anorexic
Petite....dwarf
Statuesque....Andre' the giant
Ready for commitment....needs to be committed
Marriage-minded....wants to avoid being deported back to Yemen
Loves city lights....streetwalker
Loyal....needy - very, very needy
College graduate....from six-week beauty college course
School teacher.....currently screwing a 14 year old boy
Loves to dance.....stripper
Enjoys quiet times together.....won't speak to you for weeks at a time
Loves long walks on the beach.....suicidal

Nickster :smoking:
 
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