Joined
·
388 Posts
The White House
Subject: YOUR RECENT LETTER COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW
DETAINEES ARE TREATED AND SUGGESTIONS FOR MORE LIBERAL
AND HUMANE TREATMENT.
Solution: The President's "Adopt a Detainee" Program.
Dear Liberal:
Thank you for your recent whiney-assed letter
criticizing the treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda
detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. As
part of the Administration's Liberal Re-training
Program, you'll be pleased to learn that the
Administration has decided to place one detainee under
your exclusive care.
Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to your
personal residence on Monday. The detainee is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you
strongly recommended in your letter of admonishment.
It will be necessary that you hire your own
caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to
assure that your detainee is actually being cared for
in the manner you personally prescribed in your letter
to us.
Although he is sociopathic, very psychotic and
dedicated to kill Americans and all Jews, we do
welcome your promised efforts to overcome that
"attitudinal problem" with your promised counseling,
abundant love, bonding sessions and home schooling.
His meal requirements are simple, but we strongly
suggest using menus that do not require utensils.
While he does bite, the rabies test was negative,
although he does have a bad case of body lice that we
haven't completely remedied.
He's extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a
pencil or light bulb. We do not suggest that you ask
him to demonstrate these proficiencies to your soccer
Mom friends. He also has the ability to make a variety
of lethal bombs from common household products, so
you may wish to keep those items locked up,
notwithstanding that it may conflict with your moral
values or disrupt your maid's daily routine.
Please heed the large orange notice attached to your
detainee's cage. "Does not play well with others".
Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, with the
change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and washes
his clothes simultaneously. That should help with your
water bill. Be assured, your detainee absolutely loves
pets of all kinds, but is especially fond of cats and
dogs. He prefers them roasted, but will eat them
prepared in just about any manner.
You take good care of our detainee, now.
George W.
Subject: YOUR RECENT LETTER COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW
DETAINEES ARE TREATED AND SUGGESTIONS FOR MORE LIBERAL
AND HUMANE TREATMENT.
Solution: The President's "Adopt a Detainee" Program.
Dear Liberal:
Thank you for your recent whiney-assed letter
criticizing the treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda
detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. As
part of the Administration's Liberal Re-training
Program, you'll be pleased to learn that the
Administration has decided to place one detainee under
your exclusive care.
Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to your
personal residence on Monday. The detainee is to be
cared for pursuant to the standards you
strongly recommended in your letter of admonishment.
It will be necessary that you hire your own
caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to
assure that your detainee is actually being cared for
in the manner you personally prescribed in your letter
to us.
Although he is sociopathic, very psychotic and
dedicated to kill Americans and all Jews, we do
welcome your promised efforts to overcome that
"attitudinal problem" with your promised counseling,
abundant love, bonding sessions and home schooling.
His meal requirements are simple, but we strongly
suggest using menus that do not require utensils.
While he does bite, the rabies test was negative,
although he does have a bad case of body lice that we
haven't completely remedied.
He's extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can extinguish human life with such simple items as a
pencil or light bulb. We do not suggest that you ask
him to demonstrate these proficiencies to your soccer
Mom friends. He also has the ability to make a variety
of lethal bombs from common household products, so
you may wish to keep those items locked up,
notwithstanding that it may conflict with your moral
values or disrupt your maid's daily routine.
Please heed the large orange notice attached to your
detainee's cage. "Does not play well with others".
Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, with the
change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and washes
his clothes simultaneously. That should help with your
water bill. Be assured, your detainee absolutely loves
pets of all kinds, but is especially fond of cats and
dogs. He prefers them roasted, but will eat them
prepared in just about any manner.
You take good care of our detainee, now.
George W.
