Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT
>
> You have two cows.
> Your neighbor has none.
> You feel guilty for being successful.
> You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
>
> REPUBLICAN
>
> You have two cows..
> Your neighbor has none.
> So?
>
>
> SOCIALIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
> You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>
> COMMUNIST
>
> You have two cows.
> The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
> You wait in line for hours to get it.
> It is expensive and sour.
>
>
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
> > You have two cows.
> You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>
>
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>
> You have two cows.
> Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
> milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
> AMERICAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
> You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
> You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
> You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
> and are reducing expenses.
> Your stock goes up.
>
FRENCH CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
> You go to lunch and drink wine.
> Life is good.
>
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
> cow and produce twenty times the milk.
> They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
> Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows.
> You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
> excellent quality milk,
> and run a hundred miles an hour.
> Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> You break for lunch.
> Life is good.
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> > You have two cows.
> You have some vodka.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You have some more vodka.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>
> TALIBAN CORPORATION
>
> You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
> You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
> You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to
> milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
>
>
> IRAQI CORPORATION
> You have two cows.
> They go into hiding.
> They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
> POLISH CORPORATION
>
> You have two bulls.
> Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
>
> BELGIAN CORPORATION
>
> You have one cow.
> The cow is schizophrenic.
> Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
> The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow..
> The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
> The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
> The cow dies happy.
>
> FLORIDA CORPORATION
>
> You have a black cow and a brown cow.
> Everyone votes for the best looking one.
> Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally
> vote for the black one.
> Some people vote for both.
> Some people vote for neither.
> Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
> Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you
> think is the best-looking cow.
>
>
> CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
>
> You have millions of cows.
> They make real California cheese.
> Only five speak English.
> Most are illegal.
> Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.