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1,096 Posts
Managers are like slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end
and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen."
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing."
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had
an argument going."
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to.
"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about
a woman are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about
men is they're a bunch of liars."
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
"All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism."
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There
is another theory which states that this has already happened."
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end
and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen."
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing."
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had
an argument going."
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks
about seeing UFOs like they used to.
"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about
a woman are their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about
men is they're a bunch of liars."
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
"All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism."
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first."
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly
what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear
and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There
is another theory which states that this has already happened."
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
