Signs of a single man / If men ruled the world
Tell Tale Signs Of A Single Man
A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following items:
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 roll of toiletpaper
1 frozen dinner
1 can of pop
1 box of cereal
The woman behind the counter says, "so you are single huh?"
The man replies very sarcastically, "why would you guess that, because I am buying 1 of everything?"
The woman replies, "no, because you are ugly."
__________________________________________________
If men ruled the world...
• Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to 'I love you.'
• Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.
• When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.
• Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.
• Birth control could come in ale or lager.
• 'Sorry I'm late, I got hammered last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
• Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, 'You're No. 1.'
• Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29.
• The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
• The only show opposite Friday Night Football would be Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
• It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
• Every man would get four real 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per year.
• When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine, as in:
Cop: `You know how fast you were going?'
You: 'All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place.'
Cop: 'Nice one. That's $10 off.'
A guy walks into a supermarket and buys the following items:
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 roll of toiletpaper
1 frozen dinner
1 can of pop
1 box of cereal
The woman behind the counter says, "so you are single huh?"
The man replies very sarcastically, "why would you guess that, because I am buying 1 of everything?"
The woman replies, "no, because you are ugly."
__________________________________________________
If men ruled the world...
• Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to 'I love you.'
• Hallmark would make 'Sorry, what was your name again?' cards.
• When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she would appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during half-time.
• Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the bum would pretty much do it.
• Birth control could come in ale or lager.
• 'Sorry I'm late, I got hammered last night,' would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
• Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, 'You're No. 1.'
• Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29.
• The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
• The only show opposite Friday Night Football would be Friday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
• It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
• Every man would get four real 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards per year.
• When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-alec answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine, as in:
Cop: `You know how fast you were going?'
You: 'All I know is that I was spilling my beer all over the place.'
Cop: 'Nice one. That's $10 off.'
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