A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
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Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my
older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's
Colin.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second
time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up
a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I
careered off the road.
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Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went
back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me
'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.'
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a
lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
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Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"
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anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at
him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. "
"Is it common? "
"It's not unusual."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my
older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's
Colin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he
said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second
time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up
a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I
careered off the road.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went
back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me
'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a
lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
