WHO IS JACK SCHITT?
The lineage is finally revealed. People are always at a loss for
a response when someone says "YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SCHITT." Now you
can smartly handle the situation with your new-found superior knowledge.
JACK SCHITT is the only son of AWE SCHITT. AWE SCHITT, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. SCHITT, heiress to the DEEP N. SCHITT, INC., fortune.
They had one son, JACK.
JACK SCHITT married NOE SCHITT. A deeply religious couple, they had six children: HOLIE SCHITT, FULLA SCHITT, GIVA SCHITT, BULL SCHITT, and the
twins, DEEP and DIP SCHITT.
(Against her parents wishes, DEEP SCHITT married DUMB ****T a high
Sadly, after sixteen years of marriage, JACK and NOE SCHITT divorced.
NOE SCHITT later married TED SHERLOCK. Because her kids were living
with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known
as NOE SCHITT-SHERLOCK.
Meanwhile, DUMB SCHITT'S twin brother, DEEP SCHITT, married LOTTA SCHITT.
They produced a son (with a somewhat nervous disposition) whom they called CHICKEN SCHITT.
Two of JACK SCHITT'S other children, FULLA SCHITT and GIVA SCHITT, were inseparable during childhood and subsequently married the HAPPENS brothers
in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcements in the newspapers proudly announced the SCHITT-HAPPENS wedding. The SCHITT-HAPPENS children were
DANG, BYRD, and HOARSE.
BULL SCHITT, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his bride, PISA SCHITT.
So, now when someone says "YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SCHITT," you can correct them!